Voices...

I hear voices in the silence.
Not from inside my head.

I hear voices in the silence.
Of those who are dead.

I hear voices in the silence.
A cacophony of life.

I hear voices in the silence.
The passed over, living twice.

© 2016 Kara Nelson

Come back...

I don't dream about you anymore.
Which makes me question how I felt before.

I know you're off with someone else.
Someone younger and less confident.

No promise was broken. You aren't betraying my trust.
I don't expect you to ignore your interest and lust.

My heart, however, remains within your grasp.
Even though, spiritually, our connection now lacks.

Where are you, my love, my light?
Come back and see me deep within the night.

Bring your gaze back to my eyes.
I'll disregard the folly of the brain between your thighs.

Together, you and I, it all makes sense.
All the bridges we can cross, but first it's the distance.

When will we feel the touch we share in our sleep?
Once again one, through hands, eyes, euphoric heat.

Your hands firm around my waist.
My fingers in your hair. In my mouth, your taste.

Our souls, as one, taking on the world ahead.
Together, correctly, as our dreams have said.

© 2015 Kara Nelson

We held each other...

We held each other last night.

I came out to support you and watch you on stage.

My family came along to meet you.

After the show you saw me and took me in.

We held each other.

You smelled of laundry soap and the day’s work.

You were in a white button down and grey pants.

You smiled at me the way only you can.

Our eyes going even deeper into one another’s.

We held each other.

Everyone loved you.

Everyone could see the way you love me.

Everyone could see the way I love you.

We held each other last night.

You wrapped your arms around me tighter.

I closed my eyes and buried my face in your neck.

You stroked my hair and kissed my neck.

Your hands holding my back firmly and passionately.

Each of your fingers pressing warmly into my skin.

My hand played with your hair.

We held each other.

You told me that you were so glad I was there.

That you had missed me and love me.

I told you how much I love you.

You kissed me.

The world disappeared.

And it was just us.

Alone as one.

Holding each other.

© 2014 Kara Nelson

In my dreams...

You were in my dream last night. 

Smiling that familiar smile.

Looking deeply into my eyes again like before.

Like lives before.

Like hearts before.

You were on the landing below me looking up.

In a soft blue button down, black pants and coat.

Your hair disheveled and greying.

Ignoring the man talking to you to look at me while I ascended the stairs and turned to look back at you.

My friend saw the way you were looking at me and asked who you were.

I told her you were my heart and my one.

She said I was very lucky that she could see the way you love me.

Everything else was a blur.

It was just you, your eyes, your smile, your heart and mine together.

My heart, mind, soul, eyes, and love miss you every day.

© 2014 Kara Nelson

Hollow...

What does one do when they are faced with the news that one of their greatest life goals will never come to fruition? When one of the greatest natural gifts given to living beings, plants, animals, etc, is not one which you possess? Decision time. Surgery sooner or later. But the decision has to be made quickly. Either take the chance and try to have a kid, now, with no one in particular, since there is no one to have a child with you. Which in that situation you have about a 5% chance of ever actually getting pregnant. Or, bite the bullet and have the surgery, since the illness inside you is making you bleed internally at such a rate that the rest of your body is too ill to function at a normal pace. Basically, what does one do when they've dreamed of having children their entire life and then are told that they will never have that pleasure, gift, ability, blessing, honour, ?

For me, I must dedicate myself even deeper to my career goals, talent, writing, and dreams in that arena. Now what I need, more than ever, is someone to reach out, accept my hand, and help me get even a toe headed in the right direction.

Fuck it.

Life.

You may ask why I share something so personal with strangers. The simple answer is, I need to get it out. I need to talk. I need to figure things out. I don't expect any response. I just need to express what I'm feeling.

Fuck. I truly have nothing to say.

I have lost the creative edge currently.

I will leave you with the brilliant words, written by Ben Elton, for his film 'Maybe Baby.' Incredibly accurate, heart-wrenching, and true:

“Every young mother that I see is a simultaneous moment of exaltation and despair. I don’t know why it is that women feel such deep need to create life from within themselves. Why they yearn for a time when their own flesh will bring them comfort, but I know that they do. That’s an experience that most women, women with children, miss out on in life; the intensely female grief which accompanies the fear that those children might never exist. “

The smile...

Sometimes, late at night, early in the morning, when no one is looking...

I feel down.

I feel lost.

I feel alone.

Regardless of my surroundings.

I feel unloved and ugly.

And in those moments I think of you.

I think of the way you smiled at me.

The way our eyes melted into each other's.

I think of the way you messed with your hair and laughed nervously.

I think of your eyes.

I think of the way you made me feel beautiful.

Even for just a moment.

I knew I was beautiful in your eyes.

And that knowledge rocked my soul.

It keeps me passionate.

It keeps me hopeful.

It makes me feel desirable.

For that moment, for that hour, we were one.

Just through our eyes, laughter, speech, and smiles.

That hour is one of the greatest of my life.

That hour showed me that someone else could see who I truly am.

That hour showed me that I could be strong.

Your eyes, pupils dilating as you stared deeply into mine.

You eyes, like deep water covering a burning warmth beneath.

Your smile showed me that you knew me.

Your smile showed me that you, like me, were nervous about how well we automatically knew one another.

Your eyes showed me that I am beautiful.

That moment keeps my heart and hope alive.

So, thank you.

For touching my life.

My heart.

My soul.

So deeply that you have made a mark on my love.

So deeply that you restored my faith and hope in love.

So deeply that when I see you, you are love.

So deeply that you, in that moment, showed me that I could have love in my life.

That I deserve love.

That I can find love.

© 2014 Kara Nelson

Billy Joel...

Every time I listen to Billy Joel my heart swells and I get filled with an all-over warmth. His music does something to me that no other musician's work does. It's like coming home, a warm blanket, a hug from a loved one, and a kiss from a puppy all rolled into one.

No other musician has inspired me more or had more of an affect on my life. I sometimes forget what his music means to me and then I listen to it again and am filled with longing and love. For those wondering...if there's anyone wondering.  My very first favorite song of his was 'Leningrad' (take into account that Storm Front came out when I was 7). That was the first song of his that had me totally floored (when I was around 10). I sat in my bedroom listening to that song and the tears would not stop falling. That was just the first of many of his songs that have made me do this. I then took it upon myself to listen to everything he ever recorded.

I remember the first time I heard 'Prelude/Angry Young Man', the musicality, structuring, nuances, etc of the
song made me cry and laugh, and made my life feel meaningful. Like I was put here for a purpose and it was to make music.

I know I wouldn't be where I am now musically, talent and drive wise, if it weren't for him. I truly owe this man so much. He got me through adolescence, depression, dark thoughts and considerations. He kept me going. His music has saved my life in many ways.

Music saved my life and continues to do so.

If anyone is curious, my top 5 favorite songs of his are 'Summer, Highland Falls', 'Laura', 'Vienna', 'Movin Out', and 'Leningrad'. My favorite albums are Streetlife Serenade, The Nylon Curtain, and Turnstiles.

© 2014 Kara Nelson